In a recent session, Rose mentioned that when we become nonphysical, we take with us what we care for. Not care about, care for. My experience proves this, since channeling The Afterlife of J.D. Salinger. In it, Salinger explains that he enjoys his beloved home and writing bunker, and that the people he didn’t care for were not present!
I thought of those who reached out to me during a recent crisis. I was disappointed to not hear from people who I believe love and care about me. Maybe they just don’t care for me in the literal, active sense, I thought. Do I do the same for them? Do they need me to?
Who or what are we, realistically, to care for? How are we to manage all the caring needed in our world if we dole it out when it’s not needed, or only when it’s reciprocated? Here is Rose’s response.
Care is about giving
The truth of care is that it’s not contingent on reciprocity. This is the very definition of care: it has to do only with giving, not receiving.
Since there are so many ways to share, caring has more to do with the intention behind the sharing: will it benefit someone, the person with whom you are sharing? If the answer is no, that’s a good indicator that the sharing is not caring.
Now, when the sharing is not intentional in the sense of benefit to others, that’s when obligation comes in. That’s also when the sense of cosmic justice has some bearing.
If caring for someone is not helpful, let people be on their own
If you have done what you can to help someone through genuine caring, and they do not seem to appreciate what you have done while at the same time not treating you well, then there’s something to be said for karma here. We’re not saying that every path has reason to claim some kind of point system for or against you. However, there’s something to be said for kindness in the sense of helping people. If this kindness is not being helpful at some point, then you need to allow that person to be on their own. They don’t need you, necessarily, to help them. So you can take the situation as a win, knowing that you have done all you can.
Where it gets tricky is when people claim to need you, then don’t because they don’t appreciate what you do to care for them. That’s something of a no-win situation unless you can see into the situation to find out why you’re bringing yourself this experience.
Sometimes people have trouble knowing how to care for themselves. In this situation, you need to teach them, then let them do what they can. That way, you will not be supporting them in ways that are not helpful. Good care includes helping people to do things on their own.
You can’t care for everyone, and not everyone can care for you
In the case where you have trouble pulling out of relationships where you do not feel appreciated, you need to realize that you won’t be cared for by everyone. You may be loved, you may even be cared about, but not everyone will care for you. This is nothing to take personally, it’s just how things are. You cannot care for everything in the world in the real sense of the word.
Therefore, we suggest you try only to care for who and what really matter to you personally. You can throw off whatever guilt or conflict you have by following these simple rules.
Care for those who you really feel will benefit from your support.
If they don’t benefit, then don’t do it. The family situations may be the hardest to address because you don’t want to be without your security, or to have anyone feel badly—because they are, after all, your family. But realize that there’s a difference between caring about and caring for, and we are talking specifically about helpfulness.
If you need to express to someone that you need them to care for you, do so.
They may not realize they are needed. They may not even know you need care. In fact, they may be so happy to know they are needed they will appeal to you for help in finding out how. In this case, tell them. Be appreciative. If you need to, let them know you will not be giving them anything more than your gratitude. This is the giving we call Love Incarnate: giving without hesitation to those who need it.
Remember, there’s never anyone who is without love.
This has to do with the grace of Spirit: you never have to feel you’re not cared for by someone. That’s our job. Allow yourself to know this in a very big way, for Spirit wants you to know this truly, we do.
Love yourselves, dear ones, for you can’t love anyone without that. So do so.