Actress Anne Heche died the other day after she crashed her car into a house, which then caught on fire. She died of her injuries. Perhaps, I felt, she wanted to talk to me, but wasn’t sure about it because it sounded like she wanted to contact her loved ones, and I don’t do that kind of mediumship.
I wasn’t sure you were going to speak with me. I wanted to just say a few words to people who knew me. We can take it slow to see how it goes.
I wasn’t quite ready to go, while it would seem otherwise for sure. However, there were times I felt so bad I couldn’t feel better. Anything I did was like a charge toward something I couldn’t realize, a sort of fear about where it would take me. The way I saw things was different than most people. I couldn’t have imagined how my life would end, though it stands to reason, with the many dangerous things I have done.
What I was missing was the fact that I was able to be a better person when I chose to be. That’s why I wasn’t quite ready to go. I knew I could do better, I wasn’t sure how to be, based on the fears I just told you about. The fears had to do with how I went around in the world which were caused, I think, by the occurrences of doubt that plagued me since I was a child.
The reasons for taking my life this way were another kind of fear that had to do with how I was measured to be in the world, how I was tamed, changed, told to do things differently than what my soul felt. The way I see this now is, I needed to realize the world wasn’t there for my own feelings, or promised anything other than sameness, unless I changed it. Therefore, I was enamored by the goodness of the world while being totally about not always believing that. This was a curse for me, and I wasn’t strong enough to deal with it in the end.
My health had some need to be paid attention to, my mental health especially. Though there were some things I needed to feel better about, I wasn’t getting the kind of advice I needed, which was to be stronger in some ways. There were too many messages about change, not enough about strength. This was something I could have done better.
The way I see things now, the path for each of us is stronger with everything in complete harmony when we are able to see it this way. It took a lot for me to feel this way sometimes. Now I see this is true as well as good for us when we can choose that.
I take issue with anything that says there was no reason for me to exit the way I did. There were reasons that the people I know best will tell you about perhaps.
In any case, I think the things that are worth fighting for are our own sense of justice, rightness of ourselves, the wonderful ways that people can treat one another, and our own creative projects which I have enjoyed throughout my career.
If I had to say anything to anyone about what to expect on the other side it would be this: Feel better now. The backsliding I did was often because I was somebody who believed things would be better on the other side. Things would be glorious there. This as absolutely not my experience.
There were helpers, then there were angelic forms. However, this was a brutal way to die and I was not completely oriented towards where to go. I had to be helped into a kind of ceremony of healing, a kind of beautiful oasis that helped me to be whole. What the world had done to my body, what I had produced, was not even close to being whole. Therefore the healing had to do with mending my physical body that was in some ways becoming my physical body in this nonphysical space–a sort of transformation that was every bit as challenging as it would have been on earth. The way to describe this, perhaps, is as painful, not as much in the physical sense, but in the nonphysical psychic sense.
The psyche continues with all of its horrible and wonderful contents. So this was traumatic all the way from the physical to the nonphysical.
This is what I want to tell people–that the body does not really go away. It’s something that’s adapted into a new kind of body that’s requiring healing along the way. This is not about snapping one’s fingers, then everything is set right. This is a longer process than you would imagine.
The healing, therefore, has been more to my psyche than my somewhat physical body. The body I have now resembles my physical body in some ways, not in other ways. Certainly I’m me now, whatever that means. I’m stoking my relationship with my greater Self and finding the kinds of respite here I’ve needed.
So things are good, but I don’t want anyone to think that suicide is painless. Far from it. I have a lot of compassion for those who do it. This is something I would like to spare people, to know you have to do the work while physical. Please get the help you need.
Love to those who loved me. Anne
Thank you, Anne. Quick question. I’m having trouble with the title. I want to say something plainly without making it sound trite. Can you suggest one?
The best way I can say it is “suicide does not cure you, it just kills you.”
Oh jeez, I’m glad I asked. It is terrible and funny at the same time. But it does sound like you.
This is exactly right. Have fun today. I think you have a lovely attitude towards life and will be a friend if you’d like.
Thank you, Anne. I appreciate you and will take you up on that. Love, Jo